The Morning After

So yesterday sucked. It seemed like we kept arguing and me with my cause of reclaiming my heart and living with emotion...well, I kept being like "I'm not taking any shit from you, this is how it is, now piss off." yeah, not exactly an attitude conducive to a healthy, loving marriage. And that's my challenge - to dream, desire, feel, emote with BOUNDARIES. I kept expressing my new-born desires without consideration for Heather's feelings. And what's worse is that we keep communicating like we want to be communicated with, not how the other person wants to be communicated with. I external process and have ideas and nothing is set until we actually say "yes we agree, this is what we're doing" or whatever. Heather, as a D, takes things (and I think wants things) completed upon initial presentation. Specifically, I mentioned some of the plans that were taking shape for my birthday which she took as what I was definitely doing for my birthday. Add to that a couple of colossal miscommunications of those details (i.e. I was referring to the evening, she thought I was talking about the morning), and the emotions were intense. She felt desperate, I felt dream-dashed. Of course, this current season holds temporary, yet immense restraints - she can't be away from Clementine for more than 3 hours (feeding) and we have no option for one person putting both kids to bed, so the latest one of us can be out is no later than 9:00 PM.

So what did i learn?

1. Living with emotion, from my heart, does NOT equal "youngest child temper tantrums" are acceptable.
2. Heather is my little ewe lamb and I want to treat her with tender love
3. I must learn to speak in her language and within her culture. What does this mean? Don't just spout out ideas for stuff unless I've prefaced it with something like "would it be possible to..." or "what do you think about this possibility..." Overall, make sure that I PHRASE things as questions and make it CLEAR that it's not already a fact. Basically, Heather can't read my mind and my intentions, no matter how many times I try to tell her that I'm just talking, nothing's decided yet. I must speak her language! (a small cost for the woman I love!)
4. Give her space. It's as important as taking a crap. I always make room for that! I need to be proactive in giving that to her. Perhaps I can just give her an automatic 10 minute break when I need one from work.

So, it's a tricky place, this learning to live with passion with boundaries. I don't think I've ever lived there. I need You! Please anoint me for this and help me to be humble and to obey quickly as I listen to you. My heart and life is in Your hands.